15 Weeks Pregnant!
Every week I’ve been checking my baby’s development on some of the websites that tell you what’s happening at the current stage. Right now, at week 15 of the pregnancy, my child is apparently 4 inches long from “crown to rump”. Who the fuck is monitoring my babies growth, George RR Martin and my grandmother? He who wears the crown rules with an iron rump. Let’s just stick with a good old fashioned “head to toe” or “head to butt” if you must. I’m trying to get my mind around this frog looking thing that’s growing inside my fiancé being a kid and referring to it in Granny Of Thrones terms isn’t helping.
One site describes it as the size of an apple this week, and the other said a navel orange. They all compare my unborn child to a fruit, so now I have to spend an hour in therapy for every piece of fruit I eat because I have dreams that I’ve cannibalized my baby. Granted, it’s probably a great source of protein but I’d never eat my own baby. Other people’s babies maybe, but only if I was trying to add some lean muscle mass or train for a Spartan Race. I mean geez, I’m not a monster.
It says that the baby is starting to develop taste buds which is only disturbing insomuch as last week I learned it was peeing in the womb then drinking it back in. So basically my baby looks like a citrus fruit-sized frog, drinks it’s own urine, and is acquiring a taste for it. The doctor told us that the baby appears perfectly healthy so the good news is that I’ll probably get rich from the malpractice suit.
“Your honor, he said my baby was perfectly healthy but it looks like an amphibian and drinks it’s own squirt.”
“I rule in your favor for a billion dollars. Case closed.”
Although my baby is obviously going to be the lead monster in “Frognado”, at least my fiancé is helping it’s growth and development by inundating it with the soothing sounds of constant gunfire courtesy of her Call Of Duty obsession.
In other news, I’m getting ready for the Spartan Beast in Temecula next week. 13 miles of brutal hills and obstacles that Lisa opted out of because “she’s pregnant”. Personally, I don’t think it’s too early to introduce our child to exercise and what better way to set a good example than climbing a 30 foot rope over a mud pit with the baby inside you. I mean, I hike 1.5 miles then ran 2 more with a 20lb weight vest today. That’s pretty much exactly like carrying and growing a human being for 36 weeks, right? I’m saying yes.
In my defense, it was Lisa’s idea for me to flex in this picture. I swear! My arms are two different sizes and I have my own initials tattooed on one of them. Why would I subject myself to the ridicule?
Oh, and I suppose I have to give her some credit for joining me on the hike, although she didn’t wear a weighted vest?
NOTE: Those two weights on her front don’t count. They were already there!