This is a dual purpose photo post that will both recap Four’s first holiday with my family and throw public breastfeeding pics in the faces of people who were angry at my last post. Joy to the world!
We started the holiday trip off right with our rendition of Little Town Of Breast-Ahem at the airport. I know they hold more than 3.5 ounces of liquid, so how did she sneak them past the crack TSA team at security?
Me and Frankie Four landed in Maryland and were immediately accosted by some woman (who may or may not be his mother and my wife) because of our winning smiles. We can’t help it if we pretty.
I am an equal opportunity uncle and demand racial diversity in my family. It was very difficult for me to accept that my son turned out to be Caucasian but I love him anyway. Appearing in this photo from upper left to right is my sister, my wife, my nephew, my mom holding my disturbingly cracker-ish son, and my niece.
My gorgeous California wife dressed in a New York outfit in the Maryland woods. This was what she was wearing when she was last seen so if you—just kidding. The ground was way too hard to dig a hole that day.
Kevin and I have been friends for 25 years. You think he’d have offered me some of his sperm so that my kid had a little melanin.
Scott and I have been friends for over 30 years and it looks a lot like he donated his sperm given Four’s cheeks.
Franklin Nathaniel Prather’s 2, 3, and 4. One of them believes that he’s the master of the universe and so do the other two.
This is a happy photo of Four’s first Thanksgiving and definitely not a family that’s being forced to pretend that everything is fine by armed home invaders. (Help us)
Pop, Four, and GeeBee, not to be confused with Bel Biv Devoe.
The wind messed up my hair so I was forced to brutally murder the wind. Problem solved.
Would it be egotistical of me to caption this, “Best Looking Family That Ever Lived”?
When my friend Larry died he left behind a beautiful family who I finally got to introduce to Four. Seeing his kids playing with my son was one of the highlights of my year. His twins were asleep by the time we actually took a pic.
On the flight to Florida our son crawled into the arms of a strange Asian woman named Linn. That was literally the only thing she said that we could understand.
Here is Four in a rickshaw and not because the last picture was of him and an Asian woman. Don’t be such a racist. But I think we can all agree that one of them is probably a terrible driver.
Four with Nena, his great-grandmother and the reason we were in Florida.
I’m not saying you should pack your baby in a suitcase,
I’m just saying it might make the flight more peaceful.
I promised breastfeeding pics so here’s one that, unfortunately, did not take place in public. But don’t worry, they’re coming!
This is my nephew Chris showing off his first tattoo as well as a small white child.
We spent a few days at the beach trying to catch our tans up with my niece Cassi. We failed.
I don’t know if you’ve ever checked the caloric content of sand but, given how much of it he’s eaten and how his body looks, I’d say it’s fattening.
SHART! Wait, I mean SHARK! No, it was a shart.
Only one of the best days of my life, no big deal.
The #1 beach in America according to someone who ranks beaches. In America. But after Siesta Key, you need a…
A siesta—while being watched by toy creepers.
After the nap, a little X-mas shopping with St. Nipple-ous.
The next day we took the family to a state park where not a single one of us got eaten by an alligator or encountered someone invoking the ‘Stand Your Ground’ law. You’re slipping, Florida.
We also took a little boat ride in the 90 degree weather. I’m clearly upset with Lisa for not covering our son in something that would overheat him to death just so she could protect the other people on the boat from her semi-visible boob.
(I’m on a boob, bitch!)
Four is having the time of his life. Wheeeeeeeee!
Four’s enthusiasm for life was reinvigorated when we all went to Universal Studios!
Mommy helps Four wake up. SURPRISE!
He poses for the picture or he gets the hose again.
My wife breastfeeding my son, uncovered,
while walking with my mom at Universal Studios in Florida. Bad Ass women.
And the defining image from our trip. The family.
From L to R:
Frankie Four (my son)
Lisa (my wife)
Gloria (my mom)
Cassi (my niece)
Stephanie (my sister)
Chris (my nephew)
Gloria aka “Nena” (my grandmother)
…and the luckiest guy on earth, me.