37 Weeks Pregnant – A Letter To My Wife

37 Weeks Pregnant – A Letter To My Wife

Our baby is due in 17 days, so this Saturday marks the last Valentine’s Day that my wife doesn’t have “/mom” in her job title. As such, I wanted to write her one more letter before we transition from “couple” to “parents”.

Dear Lisa,

It’s been a long road from that first day we met just over five years ago. The first few of those years were intense on both ends of the spectrum, alternating great times with brief, but all too frequent, rough patches. Then suddenly, we worked it all out. Or rather, you worked it all out. I give you 100% of the credit for making this relationship a success. Your patience, understanding, and acceptance of me and my baggage has been unfathomable. Your ability to deal with, and adjustment to, my demanding, self-centered, stubborn, and narcissistic personality wore me down. Your determination to make things not only work, but thrive, outlasted my determination to not change, to not grow, to not become a better person. Ultimately, your strength wore me down, but it also energized me. It’s not that you pushed me to become the person that you wanted me to be, it’s that you inspired me to become the person that I wanted me to be. And today, I am the best version of myself that I have ever been, which is only the case because of you.

As if that’s not enough, a relationship like ours is something I was never really convinced I’d have. Don’t get me wrong, I expected I could have a good relationship. I just didn’t think it could be this good. First and foremost, you truly are my best friend. Not just in the clichéd, “we do everything together” sense, but in the “I’d rather do everything I do, with you” sense. Our life feels like an adventure all of the time, even on a typical day. Rarely is there a moment we’re together when I don’t think to myself, “This is fun.” Your sense of adventure, sense of humor, and sense of wonder, are all a source of never ending joy to me. Your enthusiasm to hop on the back of my motorcycle, run a Spartan Race, hike 4 miles up a mountain to a waterfall (while pregnant), or travel any and everywhere never ceases to amaze me. Even when we’re sitting on the sofa binge-watching shows it feels like I’m having the time of my life. The fact that you can find the humor in anything is another one of my favorite aspects of your personality. But perhaps the thing I enjoy most about you is your sense of wonder and uncanny ability to find something beautiful or interesting about every person you meet, place you go, or thing you see. The world is a deeply magical place when I look at it through your eyes.

Lest you think that being my best buddy is the only thing I like about you, think again. Your romantic and loving side outweighs even how cool you are. I don’t know that I’ve ever met a human being as thoughtful, caring, kind, and generous as you. Every day I feel more loved than the day before, and you never waiver in your efforts to make that so. The things you say to me, the things you do for me, and the way you look at me melts my heart time and time again. I never have a moment to question your feelings without you reminding me of what I mean to you. I don’t capably demonstrate my affection in the extraordinary way that you show yours, but know that I feel it, every minute of every day.

If you’ll allow me to take a quick detour from being mushy for a second, I want to make sure I don’t forget to mention just how beautiful you are. And I don’t mean “on the inside” (although you are), I mean beautiful like in pretty, gorgeous, and smoking hot. Yeah yeah, I know I don’t say it out loud very frequently but that’s my issue, not yours. What you should know is that every day we’re together I find you more stunning than the day before. I not only love to look at you, but I love to take you out so I can be seen with you. Whether you’re dressed up sexy for date night, sweaty from the gym, or 8 months pregnant in a t-shirt, I’m proud to show off my exquisite wife. I may not always say it but, in my eyes, you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.

 I feel so fortunate to have you as my friend, my wife, and soon, the mother of my child. If you’re half as good at taking care of our son as you are at taking care of me, you’ll be the greatest mom that ever lived. And I don’t have the slightest doubt in my mind that you’re going be as amazing at motherhood as you are at everything else you do. You are an exceptional person on every level and I can only hope to try and live up to the example that you set.

I tell you all this now because things are about to change.

Soon, our Dynamic Duo will become the Three Musketeers.

Our love will encompass another person who will do his best to infringe on our romance.

And your hot wife-ness will become hot mom-ness.

I tell you all of this now because, in spite of the upcoming changes, you always have been, and always will be, the love of my life.

endoftime

Until the end of my last day,

Frank

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Beautiful photos courtesy of Yellow Heart Photography

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36 Weeks Pregnant – The Baby Shower

36 Weeks Pregnant – The Baby Shower

As the birth of our first child fast approaches, we knew it was time to get as much free shit as possible celebrate with our loved ones by holding a baby shower.

bad ass dad baby showerI like big blocks and I cannot lie.

My wife decided that she didn’t want a traditional gathering with a bunch of chicks sitting around eating candy bars out of diapers and trying to guess who farted. We both agreed that a co-ed, outdoor gathering that barely resembled a baby shower would be the most fun for our guests and over the quickest for us. Not to say that we aren’t social, but rather to say that I am not social. Parties were fun until I quit drinking a decade ago and realized that parties are torture and why can’t I be at a party where there are no other people. Because I don’t like parties, on the rare occasion that I throw one, I do my best to make them painless for my guests. I want them to be casual in attire, dining, and length of attendance. So basically you can wear what you want, have a variety of simple foods, and stay for as long or short of a time as suits you. Picnic in the park was the perfect answer.

While my wife’s friends jumped on board to assist, I decided to do the bulk of the planning myself. It’s not that I wanted to, but I consider throwing a party a task akin to wiping my ass. In a perfect world someone else would do it for me, but I’d always fear that the result wasn’t going to be up to my standards. That’s not a knock on anyone else. I just know that when I wipe, I wipe 100% clean. So you know I don’t throw a shitty party.

That said, the ladies stepped up when it came to food, decor, and baby laundry.

baby shower food

baby shower cupcakes

baby shower decor

We had a pretty nice spread of homemade food to go with the pro chef I brought in to grill up burgers and hot dogs. There was so much food left over that I sent tons home with people and still donated a huge amount to an Overeater’s Anonymous meeting or something. They’re big on potato salad.

In maintaining my rule of casualness, we didn’t want to force people to play too many organized games. On the other hand we did want to incorporate some forced fun which came with prizes for the champions.

baby shower diaper raffleA diaper raffle where one person won a great prize pack
and we got 6 months worth of free diapers.
That’s what I call a win-win for me and my bank account!

baby shower gameWe offered a gift card to the winner of the Make-A-Baby competition.
The only awkward moment was the couple that saw the sign
but didn’t notice the Play-Doh. They put on a good show though!

Our final two games did actually require group participation. One was a child abuse game where everyone threw a baby doll at a random person and that person had to painfully scream out something baby related. If you screamed out something that another participant had already screamed out then you got sent to foster care and were out of the game. Eventually it was down to just two people punting the plastic infant at each other and screaming out baby related words until my wife’s Aunt was declared the world champion of throwing babies at other people and won a fabulous prize.

The other game, the one I found most entertaining, was what we cleverly titled “The Lisa/Frank Game” because those are our names. Everyone stood in front of us and we’d read off an entry from a list of questions. If you thought the answer was “Lisa”, you went and stood on her side. If you thought the answer was “Frank”, you stood on mine. Anyone standing on the wrong side of the line for that particular question was eliminated. Ultimately, the winner was someone who had never met me and didn’t necessarily know Lisa as well as some of her friends/family did. Just goes to show you that people are terrible at games. Anyway, below are the questions we asked without the answers. If you’d like to play, just copy and paste them into a comment either here or on Facebook with your guesses. If you get enough correct you might win a prize or get nothing. You’ll have to play to find out.

Who had ice cream for breakfast this morning?

Who wakes up earlier?

Which one of them learned to knit as a child?

Who swore the baby was going to be a girl?

Who is more obsessed with their hair?

Who leaves love notes all over house?

Who got their first tattoo at the youngest age?

Who chose our sons name?

Who farts more?

Who has had surgery?

Who made Skittle soup as a kid?

Who slaves away over a hot stove all day so there is dinner on the table every night?

Who meditates every day?

Who’s favorite candy is Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups?

Who hogs the sheets?

Who was the master decorator of Four’s (our son) room?

Who is in charge of the remote?

Whose car is messier?

Who’s more scared about having a baby?

In the end, the baby shower turned out to be relatively painless and a lot of fun. As an adult you spend less and less time with your friends and more time caught up in your own lives, careers, kids, and activities. It’s nice to get together with everyone before your baby is born and starts sucking up all of your time like it’s breast milk and your life is a giant nipple.

bad ass dad baby shower

The most important thing to remember about having a baby shower is to get more in gifts than you spend on the shower appreciate the people that love you and will be part of your new child’s life.

A big thank you to all of our family and friends who came by to celebrate the most important occasion of our lives. We truly appreciate each and every one of you and can’t wait for our son to meet the people we care about most. And for him to shit in all of the diapers you bought us.